Husbands, don’t solve your wife’s problem

Don’t you sometimes, secretly, wish if the Book of Ephesians chapter 5 goes up to verse 34 and says something like: “Husbands, when your wives come to you with a problem, don’t try to SOLVE their problem unless they specifically ask for it. Just LISTEN to their heart.” (I know the Bible is complete; I’m just saying)

You see, most men are naturally wired to solve a problem. When their wives come to them with a problem, they jump to solve it disregarding their wives’ heart; what their wives are really saying.

Let me give you one example:

A wife, putting the grocery on the table and thinking how many hours it is going to take her to cook for her family, says to her husband, “I wish we were rich so I won’t have to cook and we always go out and eat.”

If her man is from this planet and has no clue about his wife’s wiring, he will respond to her, “Don’t worry about cooking today. We can order pizza.”


A romantic husband, a husband who is from this planet but knows well about his wife’s wiring, responds like this:

“Hun, you know what amazes me the most? To see you cooking the best dish for us every day even if it takes you long and makes you tired. We are lucky, better yet, blessed to have you. And to tell you the truth, I can’t wait to taste the food you are about to make for us today” and he hugs and kisses her.

You know what that response does to her? It turns her into “a super-woman” who runs around the house and cooks, cleans and more with “super” charged energy.

When she complains about cooking to her husband, she is not asking him to solve her problem. She KNOWS how to solve most of her problems. She knows how to order pizza; she knows ordering pizza will give her a break from cooking.

You see, she is naturally a nurturer. Deep inside her heart, she enjoys cooking for her family; she loves to see her family sit together around the table and eat the food she makes for them. But when she complains about cooking to her husband, all she is asking him is this: Love, appreciate, encourage, cherish and romance me with your loving, caring and encouraging words and touches so that I can enjoy cooking for you (Ephesian 5:26). That is all!

Another VERY IMPORTANT example:

When a wife goes to the bedroom and says to her husband, “I don’t want sex tonight,” a “not-wise” husband, a husband who always responds according to his wiring, not according to his wife’s wiring, says, “Oh, okay, no problem,” and turns to the other side and sleeps.

But a husband, who is loving, romantic and wise, knows that his wife is saying to him this: “Make me want sex.”

So, he doesn’t try to solve her problem by cancelling out the sex. Instead he jumps into his wife’s world and causes her enjoy life including sex. So, when she complains about sex, he simply comes closer to her and says, “Baby, forget about sex! I want to talk to you. I want to know about your day. Tell me how you spent your day.”

This is what C. J. Mahaney says, on his book “Sex, Romance and the Glory of God” – Touch your wife’s heart before you touch her body. How true that is! ///