We all know that good marriages won’t just come from heaven and fall on us.
We make them!
We can’t say, “I’m just unlucky to be in this marriage” because there is no luck with good marriages; only hard work. From my personal experience, this is the one thing I’ve noticed in all good marriages: There are two people who diligently work hard towards making their marriage better everyday.
So, whenever I see a good marriage, I ask this question, “Why do I feel like their marriage is better than mine?” And if my feeling is true, I always find more than one answer.
Whenever I see a couple holding hands, I used to say, “Aww! I want to have a marriage like them.”
Well, I think I’m wiser now than then. I learn from lots of my wrong assumptions that a good marriage is more than holding hands, posting a good picture on Facebook or putting a smiley face in the church.
Now, if I feel like the couple has a good marriage worth noticing, I try to spend time with them. As you know, truth always leaves a trail or evidence behind because it can’t be hidden. If what attracts me to their marriage is true and authentic, I begin to see the evidence of it clearly. Then I try to search where the strength of their marriage lies. Once I find that strength, I strive to emulate it.
Throughout my 18 years of marriage then, these are the characteristics of good marriages I noticed that I always strive to “copy and paste” in my own marriage:
A couple who always prays together
A couple who respects one another (no calling names when they are mad at each other)
A couple who accepts, embraces and appreciates each other’s differences
A couple who lets each other be themselves
A couple who are not critical of each other
A couple who always seeks to learn about marriage and seeks counseling and help when their marriage hits the rock bottom
A couple who, once in a while, tends to stay away from the crowd of people to be alone and rekindle their love
A couple who doesn’t let their kids come first before each other
A couple whose children testify the love and care they have for one another
A couple who doesn’t let their extended family come between them
A couple who plays and laughs a lot when they are alone
A couple who talks highly of each other
A couple who are BFsF (best friends forever)
A couple who enjoys each other’s presence wherever they go
A couple who tends to take a break from each other ONLY for the purpose of seeking God’s face.
A couple who never avoids sex because of disagreements
A couple who doesn’t let the sun go down on their anger
A couple who doesn’t enable each other’s sinful, bad and destructive behaviors
I can’t tell you how much I desire to copy these characters of good marriages in my own marriage. Won’t you? ///