A4P Guest: I came to your page recently and I am trying to catch up with your writings going into your website archives. I love what I read so far except one, titled “Broke my heart into pieces” where you advised a wife to call 911 because her husband was abusing her physically. I can’t believe that you are advising the woman to do that. I am a living testimony where I changed from one person to another completely different person because of my wife’s patience and prayer. Twelve years ago, I used to abuse her physically, mentally and emotionally. Right now, I am a loving husband to her and a loving father to my two sons. If my wife had called 911 during that time, our marriage would have been history. So, why don’t you advise wives to be submissive enough as the Bible says so that their husbands will change and their marriages will be saved instead of advising them to call 911?”

A4P: This is the kind of question which makes me desire to be in heaven very much. When we go to heaven, there is no time and space to limit us; and above all, our language will be in a way it is enough to express what we want to express in one word. I wish had one word to answer your question.

You see, you are looking at yourself, the fact that you are still walking around as if you did “nothing” to any human being. But do you know that abuse kills people from the inside? Do you know your wife’s deep seated dreams and visions have been destroyed by you? Do you know you literally killed her from the inside out? Do you know you robbed your boys’ self-confidence when you abused their mother? Do you know you gave your sons over to the devil’s trap when you, you the one and only person who was supposed to protect them and their mother, abuse their mother?

What do you mean “our marriage would have been history?” Your Marriage comes second after our life; not at the cost of our life. While your sons’ and wife’s lives are becoming history, why are you talking about marriage?

Yes, she is still alive. She might not talk about the past but do you know whenever she remembers it, it is like remembering a nightmare? Do you know she is most probably handicapped to be what God created her to be because of the abuse she endured?

I wish you often said to your wife something like, “How can I love and serve you enough even if I can’t “undo” what I’ve already done to you?”

I wish you read enough to know about abuse, what abuse can do to a human soul and spirit; so that you could go around and tell other men never to abuse their wives. I wish you sat down with your boys every night and taught them how to treat a woman. I wish you said to your boys something like: “My sons, I sinned against you and your mother. I was supposed to be incarcerated for life but because your mother didn’t know what to do with me, I’m here today. Please forgive me of my past sin. Please don’t ever put your hands on your wife unless to touch her in a loving way and to protect her. ”

Wow, the problem is your sons might have been little boys back then. And with their little mind, I can just imagine how many times they wished to dig a hole to bear you alive whenever they saw you beating their mother up. Now, I’m sure they are big boys. The damage has already been done to them. Whatever you want to say to them now won’t change a thing.

I wish one day you come and sit with me and read messages I receive almost every day from young men who came from abusive homes; young men who are now locked in porn and masturbation addiction; or in homosexuality and prostitution because they were killed emotionally by their fathers; because they were neglected and humiliated by their fathers when they tried to protect their mothers from their abusive fathers.

Wow! I wonder how many men are out there who are asking this same question??????????

Your question sounds like this for me: Men who abuse their wives have to receive forgiveness to abuse their wives again and again and again until they stop their abuse or until their wives depart from this life.

Wow! Please read what you wrote me and see if what I wrote you back make any sense. ///