She is very good at making people feel at home. Most people get attracted to her because she gives everything she has; her time, money or anything she can give. But one thing people don’t know about her is this: She gives everything she has because she is scared of being left alone.
As she quietly celebrated her 46th birthday in her townhouse, she turned the TV on and sat down across the TV. She didn’t even know why she turned it on because she was not watching. She was “zoomed out” to somewhere else. As if the TV was talking to her, reaching to the remote control, she said, “I don’t think you be of any help for me today,” and she turned it off.
She wished if someone called and said, “Happy birthday! Let’s go out and have fun,” but who? Just ten years ago, her phone used to ring every minute. Not anymore.
She had to initiate any fun; and as long as she provided, most people would accept her invitation. Party, lunch, breakfast, picnic, home party, dinner party; you name it, she did it all so that she would be with others. But one thing she yearned; and that was for someone to look for her; to ask her out for lunch or something.
Reclining on her sofa, she remembered the day she invited Jesus Christ to her life. Her cousin who she used to hang out with a lot invited her to go to church and she loved it. And at the age of 17, she decided to follow Christ. As a first year electrical engineering student, she became heavily involved in the campus youth ministry.
When she was a second year student, she dated one of the ministers at the campus youth ministry and the next thing she remembered was she found herself with him in bed. He promised her that she would be his wedded wife but after she gave in to his sexual advances, he seemed very distant from her.
“I gave him my virginity; and there is no way he would ignore me like that,” said to herself as she dialed his number for the tenth times. Then he called her and said with a very serious voice, “I think it is better for you to delete my number from your phone because I am not ready now for any long term relationship.”
Her eyes filled with tears. She trusted him as if she trusted God. While her voice was cracking, she said, “But we belong together; and I will wait for you however long time you want me to wait. If you don’t want to get married before graduation, I will wait. That is okay with me. But please don’t do this to me and – – -”
He interrupted her as if he didn’t hear what she had to say and said, “I don’t think you understand what I just said. I am not interested to be with you anymore. I’m not in love with you and I am seeing another girl right now. And we – – -”
She dropped the phone on the floor and began walking away from it as if she lost her sanity within a second. She was walking slowly wiping her tears from her eyes as quickly as she could so that she wouldn’t draw to herself anybody’s attention. After she left the campus building, she began running, not knowing where she was running to. It was around 5pm. The campus was usually quiet at that time. So, it kind of helped her to run as fast as she could until she ran out of any strength. Then she sat down on the curb and gasping for air, she said, “Pull yourself together!”
Well, after that man, she slept with different men whom she couldn’t even count or remember their names. She never gave her heart to anyone of them. She used to say to her friends, “I gave my heart once and it came back to me broken. So, I have none to give.”
She had a well-paying job and owned a town house immediately after graduation. From the outside, she seemed she got it all under control. Most people saw her as the most confident person who got it all together but in her own private life, she was the most miserable person.
Sitting in her living room, holding on to the remote control, she tried to think about each man she slept with and all of a sudden she felt pain to her stomach. She knelt to her knees and prayed, “LORD, I now know why I did that to all those men. I was trying to avenge the first man. Forgive me of my sin. Vengeance is not mine but Yours.” And she began crying.
Wow, it was long time ago since she sincerely cried but that day, she cried before God for forgiveness. She used to say, “All ministers of God are liars and adulterers.” But that day she realized that she was wrong all along. She asked God to forgive her for badmouthing and mistreating all the ministers she came in contact with.
Then her phone rang. She ignored it and continued to confess and repent of her sin. Then for the first time in her life, she felt a sense of relief. She felt like a big burden was lifted off her shoulder. She didn’t even worry to check her phone later to see who called. She forgot about it. She stayed on the floor praying and singing.
When she was about to go to bed, she remembered to charge her phone and then remembered that she had one missed call. She didn’t recognize the number but there was a voice message.
It was a man from her church. She heard a little bit about him. She heard that he was not married but had an adult daughter. That was his first time to call her and she didn’t even know how he got her number. She heard the message which read like, “Hi, I am so and so. I was looking for you in the church for the last three weeks but I couldn’t find you. Somebody gave me your number. I was just wondering if we can meet up for a cup of coffee or tea. If you get a chance, please give me a call at your convenient.”
She stared at her phone and said to herself, “I will call you if my God leads me to call. Otherwise you won’t hear from me.”
Then in the morning, she got up around 10am. When she reached out to her phone, she already had two missed call from the same guy. So, she dialed his number. He picked it up and she didn’t even say hi to him when he began talking.
He immediately said, “Thank you for calling me. So, is that “Yes” or “No”?”
She was a bit confused even if she knew what he meant. Smiling, she asked, “What is the urgency?”
“There is no urgency. If it is okay with you, can I pick you up now? It is Saturday and I know you have no work today.”
“How do you know about my work?” Now he got her attention.
“I will tell you when I see you. I will be there within 15 minutes.”
Her soul was calm and she wanted to pray more before she stepped out of her home but for some reason an overwhelming peace took her mind.
They went to a nice restaurant. He didn’t waste a minute before he began serious conversation. He calmly said, “I’m 46 years old” (she said to herself, “Please don’t tell me that you have the same birth date like mine” but she quietly continued listening).
“I have a 19 years old daughter who lives by herself. I’ve never been married but I have been in a number relationships. I didn’t have that much good track record but lately God has been dealing with my heart and I am following His lead. I am not in any form or shape trying to convince you to take me seriously or to trust me but I’ve been praying about you for the last month or so. I will tell you everything about myself and you can tell me anything you feel comfortable to tell me. You don’t have to tell me, for example, how old you are if you don’t want to but I can guess that you might be one or two years older or younger than me. And – – -”
She interrupted him and said, “I’m 46.”
He paused and smiled and asked her, “When is your birth date?”
Smiling back, she said, “Too much information!”
And he said, “That is quiet alright. I don’t need to know. So, I don’t have time to play with my life and with the life of another woman. I’m not here to ask you to date me but I’m here to ask you to marry me. If you – – -”
She didn’t hear the rest. She went somewhere else. She began speaking with God, asking God, “LORD, You know how much I’m tired. Please tell me. Is this man playing with me? Is this from You, LORD? ”
That was a couple years ago. She’s married to him for the last 16 months. She is thinking all these while she was sitting in the OBGYN clinic. They were waiting for the results of the pregnancy test and other series of tests the doctors ordered. They waited for more than fifteen minutes and they didn’t speak to each other within those minutes. Her husband was holding her right hand with his both hands as tightly as he could; trying to prepare her to any news.
Her name was called and they went into the room and the doctor, smiling at both of them, she said, “Your pregnancy is normal; the baby is growing normal. Given your age and your husband’s age, we were suspecting some abnormalities with your child or pregnancy and we ran some tests but every test came negative. So, congratulations!”
They hugged and started crying on each other’s shoulder. Her husband looked at her eyes and said to her, “God is a God of second chance. He gave us both a second chance. What can we say to Him?” ///