Singleness is not a curse!

Singleness is a gift from God. Think about it! When we came to this life, we didn’t really get a chance to choose our parents, siblings, our neighborhood, or country. We just “boom” and found ourselves in this world. We didn’t have a chance to say “Okay, God, try again. I don’t like my surroundings.” No, we can’t say that. We are here and so are our parents, families, tribes, surroundings and everything else.

But when it comes to marriage, hmm, we choose who to marry. That period of time, a time to give “green card” to the one we think is okay or “red card” to the one we don’t think is okay, is a wonderful time. And through it all, we learn a lot about ourselves and others. Who said then that this period of time is a curse? It is a blessing, brother! It is a blessing, sister! If you are single, enjoy it!

The Apostle Paul said this, comparing singleness to being married (just to give a background on the Apostle Paul’s life, he died being single. He was a celibate by choice):

“Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.” 1 Corinthians 7:26, 28

Did you hear that: “those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this”?

You see, once we’re married, there is no red, yellow, green or purple card that we can give to each other. That is it! The game is over! We have to find a way to work through our differences and conflicts. Yeah, at least according to the Word of God, marriage is for life. No exist to it. We are done! We can’t say “Okay, I rather have that girl/man than my spouse”. No, we can’t. It’s over!!!

There is one very important reason written in the Bible for us to seek marriage and that is: “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2

The indirect message of this verse is: If someone doesn’t have any sexual temptation, he should not seek marriage. This is what Paul is saying at the end of the same chapter, comparing a life of a single person to the life of a married person:

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

If a person knows, for sure, that he has a call from God for him to live as a celibate; he has to live as a celibate (single) for the rest of his life. If he has a desire and temptation to have sex, the Word of God says, he has to marry so that he will have “safe sex”; so that he won’t find himself in sexual immorality.

However, if a person chooses to take care of his sexual desires through other “outlets” than marriage, he remains as single for long. He may have a tendency to see every “potential” marital partner as a lesser person than the person he is looking for. His criteria for a spouse will take a high standard, hard for any woman to measure up to. From 23 single women (random number) around him, he says that none of them are good enough for him. Or, he may be with a girl and they may play with sex here and there and marriage will be the last thing he cares about. Why? Because his sexual desires are taken care of! He doesn’t have any pressing issue for him to seek marriage.

Is this person a celibate? No, he is not. Is his life a blessing? Oh, no! Once he starts using other outlets to gratify himself sexually, he is in sexual immorality! He is outside the will of God. How can that kind of life be a blessing? No, it is not a blessing. When a person continues in singleness because of sexual immorality, his singleness stops being a blessing. Why? Because the consequences of his sin (being outside the will of God) catches up with him. ///

  1. S. This was originally posted on November 25, 2013.