Sexual addiction mainly causes spiritual and psychological pain but most men in sexual addiction escape the pain by pairing it with other addictions such as social drugs (tobacco and alcohol), prescription drugs and by sleeping with different women. Why? To numb and silence the pain!
If you take a man who is in a serious sexual addiction problem and put him in a sort of “a sexually pure men camp,” and leave him there to himself, the man will kill himself. Why? The pain will be overwhelming.
Yes, the shortest path to convince a man to change his wrong and destructive habits is to make every possible effort to make him face his pain squarely.
As long as a man finds a way to numb his pain, through wrong crowd and other addictive behaviors, there will be a high chance for him to stay in sexual addiction for a long time.
Most men who are in sexual addiction stay away from church and people of God. Why? They will be forced to face their pain.
Some women say this: “I begged him crying. Our church senior pastor talked to him and other ministers also prayed for him with tears. My mom and his mom also cried – – -”
Are you serious? A man can’t be motivated to change because of others’ tears and pain. Forget it! He may change for a day or two or even for a week but after that he is back in it. Why? Others pain doesn’t mean a thing for him.
It is not like he is cruel or anything but he is a man, not a woman.
The only motivator for him to change is called PAIN!
If a woman in his life is his fiancée, she can say to him something like: “If you are not going to seek help, I am not going to be with you anymore.” That is called powerful motivator to get the man seek help.
If she is married to him, she has to say to him something like: “I can’t have sexual relationship with you until you get help. If you decide to continue on with your addiction, I will be out of here.”
That is called a godly woman/wife character! She holds a man accountable and responsible for his action (1 Peter 3).
One woman said to me: “But if I say that, he will leave/divorce me.”
I said to her, “Precious, he already did when he chose his sexual addiction over you. So you may as well move on with your life than continue fooling yourself. If he faces the pain straight in the eye, you will have a man with a change of heart. If he doesn’t, he will hurt you in the most unimaginable way possible.
So you may as well find your way out of his life sooner than later.”
So, don’t forget this. A man cannot be motivated to change by tears or counseling or people falling down on his feet begging him to change but through exposing him to face the PAIN of his choices and actions. Who can help him face his pain more than a woman in his life? No one! ///