“- – – Hold On to My Sexual Desire Until I Get Married?”

A4P Guest: “I’m sixteen years old. I don’t have a girlfriend and I don’t think it is the right time for me to have one. But I have this strong sexual desire which drives me nuts. It makes me do things I don’t want to do. I believe in God and I am active in my church. I also have good friends I can talk to and all of them have similar struggles. My whole family members are believers. I know nothing about this world. I grew up in the church, I love God and the people of God, and I know God has a purpose and plan for my life. But these days, I doubt the goodness of God in my life. If God is good to me, why didn’t He hold on to my sexual desire until I get married? Missy, I don’t want to sin against God. I hate what I’m doing with myself. I hate myself and I sometimes want to end it all. I always remember my classmate who committed suicide last year. I wonder if he was in a similar situation as me. Would you say that God is good for me in this? If He is, why am I going through this? I hate it! I hate myself! Please help me.”

A4P: Wow! This was one of the zillion questions I was struggling with when I was a teenager. So, I know exactly how you feel. It is frustrating, isn’t it?

Is God good for you? My answer is “Yes, He is” because the Word of God says so (Psalm 100:5 & Psalm 136:1). Being good is who God is!

I wish I could say I have complete and satisfying answer for your question but I don’t. The only thing I can tell you is the thinking and reasoning which gave me peace in my heart about this similar question.

When I face any struggle in life, I learn to see and understand my situation from God’s perspective. That means I try to see my situation through what the Word of God says who God is for me.

So, I state my request to God like this: LORD, I know You are Good for me. I know You love me and care about me. You even gave me Your only Son Jesus Christ so that I might be Yours forever. So, LORD, please help me see and understand your goodness in this.


Yes, God is good to us, my dear, and everything He does in our life has one agenda only, and that is love (Song 2:4). So, it is always good to start from there whenever you look for an answer for your situations so that your destiny will always be the Truth.

You see, we usually tend to separate our sexuality from who we are but the truth of the matter is that our sexuality is the basic nature of who we are. Our sexuality is not a separate entity but the integral part of who we really are. Actually I see our sexuality as the center of our humanity. I see it as a pillar on which every part of who we are is attached and built on to.

Sure, it is very logical to ask God why He didn’t hold on to our sexual desire until we get married, but if He did, we would be the most immature and irresponsible husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and citizens.

Precious, our teen years are not years to squander away on all sexual immoralities but years to sow good seeds of sexual purity so that our good harvest will be in full bounty after marriage. Our teen years and years we will be considered as single (in my opinion, “single” only applies to people over 18) are the years God strengthens “the pillar” of our life through the “fire of temptations” so that all other Christian virtues will be strongly built in our lives.

I have yet to find a man who leads a sexually promiscuous life who is a man of his word, or a good and trustworthy brother in Christ, or a faithful and devoted husband and father. It can’t happen! It is impossible for any man to lead that kind of double standard life; praiseworthy yet full of sin. He can fake it and deceive many, but not God and himself.

I have also yet to find a woman that has a sexually immoral lifestyle who is a loving, caring, honest, genuine, sincere, loving sister in Christ, wife, and mother. It is impossible to be like that, given the disturbance of her sexual life, which is the foundation of all those praiseworthy personalities and characters. She may pretend to be a kind and loving person, but deep down, as a result of a sexually immoral lifestyle, she struggles with selfishness, envy, jealousy, anger, hatred, inferiority and/or superiority complex, and so on and so forth.

Why? Because our sexuality is given to us so that we can give it to one person in a marriage and, in the process, be sexually fulfilled and satisfied (1 Corinthians 7:1-3). Our sinful and selfish tendencies will be crucified as we know this basic purpose behind our sexuality.

But when we, instead, turn that purpose around and try to use our sexuality to find gratification for ourselves, we disturb our nature. We come against what we originally were created for.

I think that is one of the reasons why we sometimes feel like we want to kill ourselves when we try to take sexual gratification for ourselves.

Precious, those years of sexual temptations are good years. They are the years for you to learn how to depend on God and to see His provisions and protections. You will learn that women and sex are not the answers for your sexual desires, but God! You will learn that all you need is one thing, and that is to know Christ. You will learn how to bring your needs to God in prayer instead of trying to handle them yourself. In the process, you will find in yourself a brave heart which fights for the rights of others. You will have a heart which is captivated by the love of only one woman. Then you will thrive to be a one-woman-man. You won’t see any woman as a sex object but as a precious gift of God created to be your sister in Christ.

Beloved, integrity, honesty, fairness, sincerity, kindness, earnestness, uprightness, steadfastness, truthfulness and all those good and praiseworthy virtues don’t just come to you when someone lays their hands on you in prayer. Rather, they come when you go through the tough times of the fiery fire of sexual temptations. Through it all, slowly but surely, you can put all these commendable virtues under your belt. But remember, they don’t come easy. You have to fight to get them all.

God promised the Israelites the Promised Land flowing with milk and honey but beloved, they didn’t get to the Promised Land without a fight. Yes God was with them but they still had to fight to get there.

Indeed, our sexual desires are the very things which help us become matured in all other areas of our lives. They set the stage for those virtues to come forth and mark our lives.

But when the foundation is shaking, nothing can be built on it. And for a good marriage to thrive, it demands those virtues to be in place.

Yes, it is frustrating to have constant struggle with sexual desires, especially when you know that you have no way of meeting those desires and needs. But remember, those struggles are not there to destroy you but to make you the person God created you to be, and to purify you so that you have a faith that is worth more than gold (1 Peter 1:7).

The one best thing to do is to never give yourself a chance to feed your “monstrous” sexual desires with sinful information. Take control of what you watch and hear and whom you hang out with.

Running away from anything which helps those desires to go out of control is the only best and biblical way to keep yourself from giving in to your sexual urges (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Remember, one of God’s names is WARRIOR! And God always looks for warriors who fight day and night to inherit the Promise Land (in this case, the Promised Land is a good and healthy marriage which glorifies God). God is a Warrior and He loves to accomplish His purpose through those who want to be warriors through Him. Listen to what the Word of God says:

“For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him…” 2 Chronicles 16:9

Fight your way to the end because there is an absolutely beautiful light at the end of the tunnel! You will never regret fighting your way to get there because it is worth it!

Before I let you go, let me say this: While you fight for your sexual sanity and integrity, you may give in to sexual temptations here and there, but remember; falling into sin is not as bad as choosing to stay there. Don’t ever forget that! ///