“I share a three bedroom apartment with two of my friends. Two of them are born-again Christians (as they told me). Since we have different work schedule, we don’t go to church together. We get along just fine when it comes to keeping our apartment clean and everything but when it comes to sexuality; their sexually compromised lifestyle bothers me a lot. One of them is now dating a woman who is married. The other one is dating different girls and always ends up being physical with them. After that he damps them to come home and laugh about it. I don’t know what I need to do. Do I need to move out of that apartment or confront them?”
My Dear Brother, I thank you very much for caring for your brothers in Christ. I believe that is how it should be if we are truly in Christ Jesus.
But from the few lines you wrote me, I don’t know if you and your roommates are usually talking about intimate stuff like sexuality, like “man to man” kind of talk. Do you guys get together to talk about life, God, the Word of God, sexual purity and along that same line?
If that is not the case, going around and picking the wrongs of your brothers and telling them to clean up their mess can make you a legalistic.
First develop that close relationship with them. Love them first as a human being.
Ask yourself, why you want them to be clean from sin. Is it because you care about a Christian religion or do you care for them? Do you care because you know for sure that they are going to take theirs and others’ life to fire and you feel very sad for them and you want to save them? Ask your motive.
You yourself first be the man of God and separate yourself from their sinful lifestyles. If they come and joke about how they damp a woman, you simply get up and leave the room. Believe me in this, they won’t ask you why you left. If they do, with love, respect and fear in your heart say to them something like, “I get hurt whenever you guys talk about woman like that. I feel like you are talking about my mom and/or my sister.”
Find every opportunity to serve them. Clean their bedrooms and surprise them. They may laugh at you or try to take advantage of you (which it may feel like for a short period of time) but remember, God is at “back-ground” of all these. You are not trying to win their “likes” but their souls. So, God is in it! And you will definitely win their souls if you fix your eyes on Jesus.
Share with them the Word of God; but not like, “Okay guys, sit down and let me teach you about the Word of God”. No, not like that but make it like one of your casual conversations, like, “I was about to get involved in a serious car accident today and I remember the Word of God that says if God doesn’t watch over a city, the watchers watch in vain. I’m a good driver but I guess I realize that I can’t save myself.” (This is an example; don’t make up stories; just tell them the truth about your day and “inject” the truth of God in it and move on).
Remember it is not your responsibility to touch their souls and spirits. It is God’s. God does the changing as you do the living.
Be consistent with your action. If you guys happen to have off days at the same day, pray about it ahead of time and invite them for a cup of coffee or something and bring up intimate topics which only men talk about. Don’t say, “Samson sinned against God and God killed him”. That is just a turn off.
Tell them your struggle; not deep so that you won’t scare them away. Rather, talk about how challenging it is for you to stay single for a long time and make sure you stay on “the driver seat” so that they won’t take the topic somewhere else.
Then at the end of your time, say, let’s pray. Don’t try to be a “pastor” but a close friend and close friend doesn’t make his friends feel uncomfortable. When they say “go ahead and pray”, don’t pray like, “You adulteress devil, come out of them” or something like that. Oh, no, brother, pray something like:
“Thank you LORD for blessing me with these brothers of mine. Thank you for bringing them into my life. Thank you for letting our path cross. Please Father bless them in everything they need.” (Well, you and I know what your friends need to be blessed with in this life.)
Then after you develop trust, strategize to move to the next deep level, which is to influence their decision. Once you win their mind, aim for their soul. Once you win
their trust, aim to influence and win their decision.
You see, when you get to this point, you will notice that you do not only care about their sin but you care about their general well-being as if they were your kids. You start to love them and your eyes won’t be dry when you pray for their safety. When you bring them to the LORD in prayer, you hold on to the garment of your God and never want to let it go until He turns His face towards them.
Here the issue stops becoming a legal or religious issue and starts to become a “love” issue. Now, you want them to have the best in life because you love them.
That is the heart of Christ, My Dear. Don’t go around and try to fix the people of God who are in sin. It doesn’t work that way. Be Christ for them. Once you love them, you will understand their struggles. You will have a compassionate heart for them. Then it will be easy for you to say to them “Brothers, forsake your sinful lifestyle” and it will be easy for them to say, “Brother, what do you want us to do?”
Until you build that love “Christ-like channel”, keep your peace to yourself.
Move out of that apartment if they start throwing party on your “head”, if you know what I mean. If they start bringing half naked women to your apartment, it is not safe for you to be there because you will be tempted to have one of those girls as well. So, “RUNNING AWAY” will be the only best strategy you have in that situation. Otherwise, stay there Beloved and be used by God, for Him to reach to them. ///