What matters the most in life is not what we do but why we do it.
We humans, created by the image of God, don’t just latch on porn videos for no reason. None of us get addicted to porn because we happened to run into porn by accident. No, we don’t. Some people were exposed to porn but they walked away from it as if they’ve never been exposed to it.
Then why do some people find themselves in it for life?
We all do things for a reason. Only mentally ill person gets up and does something for no reason. If you ask a mentally ill person where he’s going, he may ignore you or give you some bogus answer like, “To heaven.” But if that same person is mentally intact, he will give you an accurate answer, like, “I’m going to work”. This is true of anyone of us.
In the same way, a mentally okay person won’t be addicted for porn for no reason. Any sexual addiction feeds our hungry and thirsty soul. Yes, life makes sense. What we choose to do today may partly tell the story of our past.
We won’t just get up and become porn addicts. No, we won’t!
After getting up in the morning and talking to Jesus and reading and meditating the Word of God, no human being then all of a sudden decides to view porn and becomes an addict.
You see, there is what is called “an outcry of a soul”. Our soul is programmed and set when it comes to this life, for example, programmed to receive love and care from our parents and siblings. These may collectively be called our emotional needs. And if our soul didn’t receive what it is programmed to receive, it cries out until it finds a way to meet those naturally inborn desires.
For example, a 21-year old young man who didn’t receive a father’s love at an early age always wonders from one “well” to another, looking for a way to fulfill his unmet emotional needs. Depending on his surroundings, he may choose to sleep with this woman and the other; or, change jobs or states; he may find it hard to get alone with others. He resists anyone who may try to teach him the right way. He criticizes anyone and everyone. He learns nothing when it comes to living with others and he may resist change that may bring him emotional health.
Though he looks strong from the outside, from the inside, he might be as weak and fearful as a five year old boy. His soul’s outcry makes him vulnerable to seek solutions at all wrong places.
His sexual nature makes it easier for him to look for a solution in the sex market than in a relationship. Living in a sexually saturated society, it sure is easy for him to latch on sexual immorality. And porn addiction seems to be the easy one today.
Once he gets used to finding comfort from porn, he sits alone and watches one video after the other and he continues watching more and more every day. When he stops for a break, before he knows it, he is ready all over again to watch another one. He takes a break but soon, his own feet drags him back to watch some more porn videos.
Then before he knows it, he can’t even control himself. He then loses control of his life. The addiction takes over his life and tells him what to do when and how.
Then his soul slowly but surely forms a strong and intimate relationship with porn hoping that the porn will one day quench it’s thirst and hunger.
The thing is there is no soul which rests with porn. Porn doesn’t give rest; it doesn’t give peace; and it doesn’t quench any thirst and hunger. Rather it gives the most heightened thirst and hunger a human soul had never experienced before.
His soul then slowly start to die a kind of death that is caused by its own doing; which I call “hidden death” – a soul which crucifies itself because it didn’t know how to quench its thirst and hunger.
The good news is then this: A young man breaks this strong bondage when he comes to realize that he is addicted to porn for a reason; he has unmet emotional needs. When he identifies his inside pain and understands what his soul is asking him, he comes out of porn addiction. But his soul never surrenders what it latched on until there is exchange at the sight; because porn addiction, most of the time, is a replacement for an intimate relationship.
Most people think that the man needs a woman who loves and cares for him. Oh, no, that is not what the man needs. The man doesn’t need a woman. He shouldn’t even date a woman if he wants to receive a permanent freedom from the grip of this bondage. The process needs his undivided attention (there is different way to address this for married men/women who are in porn addiction.)
The young man mainly needs a man in his life; a man who he can talk to as a man; a man who can hug and tell him “it’s gonna be alright.” The young man needs a man who can say to him, “You can do it! You are created to be a man! You are a man!” He doesn’t need a man who says “In the Name of Jesus, I rebuke you Satan”. There is nothing to rebuke here, bro. This demonic bondage needs Jesus in action. The young man needs a man who is going to walk with him like Jesus. He needs a mentor. He doesn’t want a man who preaches to him about Jesus. Remember we are talking about a Christian man who is in porn addiction. He knows Jesus. What he wants is a man whose life is taken over by Jesus.
We can’t just take away the young man’s laptop or iPhone and iPad to keep him away from porn addiction. That actually may make things worse. We need to first set up a replacement for his addiction. We need to find a way for him to build a relationship with other men as we help him divorce porn addiction.
And this addiction or any addiction for that matter should never be seen as a simple habit. Addiction is a serious sickness; it is not only physical and mental sickness but it is mainly an emotional sickness. And if it is sickness, porn or sexual addiction or any addiction should be handled with care because everybody’s story has a unique touch to it.
The other truth for everyone is this: The young man has to seek help and healing. Otherwise nothing can be done for him.
Please, porn addiction is not an issue of sex. Oh, no, it is not! It is an issue of pain and hurt which is deeper than flesh and bone. It is an issue of the soul and should be done in a way to address the pain and hurt of the soul. If his emotional issues are not addressed, healing will be a farfetched reality.
Why am I writing this then?
Many Christian men are in porn addiction. Many young men from Christian families are in porn addiction and none of their friends and families know about it. And they are in porn addiction because their souls are in pain for not having a father figure in their life or something deeper than that. This reality should not be kept in secret. Sadly enough it is only kept in secret in churches, not on CNN or BBC or FOX. That is why church is dying; losing her power which was told about her like this (Jesus speaking): “- – – upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:18) – Upon which rock? Upon you and I!
Let’s make this topic famous in our Bible studies. We are still discussing how the Hebrew and Greece version of the Bible read the story of the birth of Christ while, we as the body of Christ are dying from the inside out. Our men are snatched away from us. While they lead the way, Christian women are following behind and catching up with them as they too are latching on porn videos.
Our men are in churches physically but they are absent mentally and emotionally. Nothing seems to move them.
To do the work of God, we need our men. We need emotionally healthy men to help us all make it through during these tough and end times. We need them to show us the way. We need them lead us because God created them to be leaders. ///