How far is too far?

This is one of the most famous questions I always receive after I give a class or seminar on sexual purity.

The question itself makes me cringe a bit because it sounds like this: “What kind of sin can God tolerate?” or “Which sin can I do without severing my fellowship with the Holy Spirit?”

Of course kissing is the number one topic most people ask to know “how far is too far”. “Is French kissing a sin?” Or, “Is kissing more than three and half second a sin?”

The one question which threw me out of my seat the first time I heard it this: “If I sleep over at my boyfriend’s place but don’t have sex, is that still considered as a sin?”

Let’s settle something here. Sin is the condition of our heart! It is not whether those unmarried couples decide to sleep together or not. It is a matter of whether they want to love and worship God with all their minds, hearts and souls or not.

We ask such a question when we get drunk with the lust of our flesh. We ask those kinds of questions when we decide to follow a written code of conduct rather than the Spirit of God. When we start checking “stuff off” from the list of things we should do and not do, we fall short of the grace of Jesus.

You see, we deny God in our hearts first. Our denial becomes evident to others when we express it in action. When we start asking “how far is too far” kind of question, God has already been informed that we are okay without Him.

When we follow Christ closer, we don’t ask such a question. Instead we ask: “How can I be closer to Jesus than I am now?” And, regarding sin, we ask Jesus in prayer things like this: “Lord, take the center of my heart, my soul and my life so that I will only be Yours.”

After all, sin is nothing but disbelief; sin is an expression of worship which is offered up to other gods than the true God.

When we start a discussion about how to do sex or kiss our girl/boyfriend without sinning against God, we are already in darkness and we can’t ask the enemy not to influence us with his moral values since we are standing in his territory. The moment we start a discussion with him in this area, we lose our stand.

Eve already lost the battle when she started a discussion with the devil to know “how far is too far” (Genesis 3). The Bible doesn’t say that Eve first saw and desired the fruit. Eve first started wondering if there was a way to go against the Word of God and still keep on living. She questioned the goodness of God. Disbelief took over her heart. She put God to a test to see if He was holding something good away from her. She doubted Him if He had her best in mind. Eve lost the battle and sinned against God when she started to question the goodness of God and come closer to the forbidden tree.

Precious, do you ask questions, such as this: “how far can I go with sex without sinning against God” or “how much can my boyfriend touch and kiss me without us sinning against God”?

Oh, my dearest, you are already out of God’s grace. You’re lost. I know there are only a few people who can bluntly tell us, “Beloved, you are lost”.  Well, let me be one of those few people in your life and say this to you. If you start a discussion on how you to do sin nicely, you are lost!

At this point, don’t worry about doing and not doing. Rather, concentrate on renewing your fellowship and covenant with Christ. Come back to your first love so that you can clearly see and understand beyond the shadow of a doubt what you are doing with your life. Seek the face of God in prayer; open your Bible as if you’ve never done it before and read it.; sit down and study the Word. Let me leave you with these Bible verses:

“You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.” Revelation 3:17-18

Do you know what “salve” is? In olden days, they used salve to treat eye infections. When you have an infection in your eyes, you can’t see clearly.

So, for you and me, our salve is the revealed Word of God. It is  “salve” to our sin-inflicted and infected eyes. It is the Word of God, my dear, which gives us light to our path (Psalm 119:105) so that we can see where we’re heading. Don’t wander around trying to find if there is any other way than the Way of God. Silence your soul with the Word of God. ///